Social Paranoia

One of my bosses once told me, “Payal you don’t mince words, right?” He looked mildly uneasy about something I said, though I don’t have any memory of the topic of discussion. I sensed his feeling and had to tell him “yes I don’t mince words. But I have gone through a few unnecessary misunderstandings in the past and feel that’s a good thing. You will be 100% sure that I will never ever talk behind your back because whether I like something or dislike it, I openly tell people upfront. Yes some people hate it, yes they think I’m not diplomatic and also a bit insensitive or courageously expressive. But they are always sure of what I mean and that’s a safe place to be. At least, I never lie.”

It is a few years since then and I happened to get into a similar conversation with my sister which got me thinking about it a little more. 

If we closely observe, about 50% of the subconscious mind of almost all people stays occupied with the thought of what others may think about them, their appearance, work, voice, the way they talk, walk, eat, drink and the list goes on. Amongst us there are a select few people who feel very approachable to all of us, or shall I say most of us. We like them and can walk up to them to talk anything, for a simple reason that they are unbiased and carry a different kind of peace with them. So why can’t we all be that way? Does it really take much to be openly truthful and honest? Isn’t it nice to express what you feel with fearing about being judged? 

Somewhere, in today’s world we do not trust people easily. We aren’t sure if they really mean what they say and to what extent can we rely on them. Now, here some may argue that we are becoming more independent but that’s not exactly independence. It is some kind of loneliness that has started making it’s own space in our minds and most of us have started liking it in a fear of betrayal that may (or may not) occur. But still we meet people, make friends fall in love, party hard, travel with friends and family; and all of it feels right. Despite this a fact remains that we may not be able to (literally) blindly trust anyone and I call it social paranoia. 

I don’t like it, nor do I want people to. Someday I hope we shall have a tribe of all totally unbiased & crisply honest people who can be trusted with life. People who would feel like a peaceful home in the middle of chaos. People who would be like a cup of hot black coffee on a cold morning or a warm cup of oolong tea on a breezy summer afternoon. People who can hold your hand palm-to-palm and share their energies to create larger bliss.

Farq

Iss sheher mein ek farq dekha hai maine,

Apnepan aur paraayon ke beech.

Saturday night aur sunday ki dopeher ke beech;

Ek aam din pe BKC mein chai ki tapri aur weekend pe railway station ke chai wale ke beech...

Iss sheher mein farq dekha hai maine.

Jab kareeb se jaan ne ki koshish ki,

Toh ek khoya khoya sa mann aur usmein bhara dard dekha hai,

Iss sheher mein janab, maine ek farq dekha hai.

Kahan toh bachpan mein sab dost saath khelte the,

Aur cheekh cheekh kar sara mohalla sar pe utha  lete the.

Kahan ab guzar jate hain sabhi ek sophisticated si smile dekar,

Aur apne aap ko ek dusre ka childhood buddy kehkar khush ho lete hain.

Kahan toh woh pehli baarish mein,

Apne gharon se nikal kar chhatt par daud jate the,

Aur kahan ab sabhi ko inhi boondon se bachkar,

Ghar se gaadiyon ki orr bhagte dekha hai.

Iss sheher mein farq dekha hai maine.

Apne logon, makano aur sadkon mein hi nahi,

Par dil ki masoom si khwashishon mein aur unse bane khwabon mein farq dekha hai.

I Fail To Understand

I actually fail to understand the human mindset over several topics. One of them is most recent to me.

So I am a woman in my mid-30s and have a usually busy work-life. I discovered an ideal time to go for a walk and that happened to be around 9.30pm pm to 11.00pm, after which I would come home and sleep off for yet another busy day ahead.

Now, a friendly elderly person told me this was 'bad idea because 'I am unmarried...single...and walking at that hour...so the so-called society/samaj is going to judge me (my character) based on this'. 

REALLY?????????????????

The samaj doesn't mind when I go to a pub with my friends/colleagues and come home at 1am. But they mind if I want to go for a walk at 9.30pm and sit in the Kali Mata temple to rest, before I get home. 

I fail to understand what this so called samaj comprises of and what exactly do they want to derive by such petty mindedness. Is it full of people who can't see others happy? Or is it just the jealous people who feel bad when others do what they couldn't do in their lives?

In the year 2019...about to be 2020 in a matter of days, are will still so sick? 

Why does anyone have to be surprised if I'm single? 

Yes I am, but I'm not ready to mingle (like someone commented). 

Yes I am single, but I'm not sad that I haven't found the right partner in life. 

Yes I'm single and I absolutely DO NOT need people to advise me on how to get hooked, nor tell me ways to impress that annoying samaj, which means nothing at all.

God is in dire need...

Yes indeed, God is in dire need...
Of people truthful and kind,
Of angels reliable and fine,
Of souls that spread happiness undying...
Yes indeed, God is in dire need.

Never understood how and why is life planned such. From where does this life come and where does it really go? How someone who is happy, healthy, loving and wise leaves the planet so soon and how the crooked souls survive? What or who should be held responsible - the air that's not like before or the roads that are far more rocky?; the saddened hearts or mounting stress?; the lack of peace or the minds in pieces.....

How does everyone become brave enough to pack a pair of clothes for a friend's funeral? How do people burry their still born children? How does a young aunt see her nephew for the first time in a coffin? How on Earth do people burn them without whom they wouldn't even eat a meal?

But above all, how would you explain to yourself, the passing away of someone who was yet to live their life fully?

It seems, surely God is in dire need...

Labz-e-zindagi

Ek zamana tha, bohot aayiash the hum.
Kuchh nahi tha magar khaas the hum.

Apne hi ilaqe ke, chhote mote se
Fakiron se sahi par sartaaj the hum.

Umr badti gayi aur tajurbe bhi,
Jab sab haasil hua toh naaraz the hum.

Shikan mathe par jo nayi khurafaaton ki thi,
Ab silvatein pareshaaniyon ki ban gayi.

Jab unchayion se dekhne lage saare Jahan ko,
Toh Dil se tanha aur nasaaz the hum.

When Jerry jumped on me!

Well yes, one fateful night while fast asleep I had an uninvited guest in my room – Mr. Jerry (that rat from the Tom & Jerry fame); who didn’t quite like the way I slept so chose to jump right on my head and wake me up in horror. Up I sprang from my bed! shaken and shouting; and within seconds I was hugging my mom with half my belongings carried somehow. Like a child, or may be worse, I’m too scared of rats and a few other creepy crawlies who I don’t mention as the mere name of it brings disgust. For several days to come I had my very own refugee camp in the drawing room…

There are times in life when reality hits you just like Jerry did – sudden, unexpected and scary. But it brings two benefits along – 1) reminds you of who is your go-to person – your basic support system; and 2) your abilities to overcome the event. In this case, while Jerry (coz’ calling it mouse makes me feel creepy) scared me crazily, I knew who to run to at that hour and what to do next. I was forced to wake up and create a makeshift within minutes because I was too sleepy. The next few days went in discovering the possible entry points of Jerry until I finally found a neat little hole in the window net.

Ever thought of what scares you? What is it that makes your spine chill? And who is that one person (at least one) whom you can openly ask for help and in front of whom you can display your fear fearlessly. Sounds funny but think of it and you would agree that displaying your fear or weakness to someone needs sheer courage. It needs guts to say that I am scared or I need help.

In today’s world the levels of stress have increased exponentially not just because of high levels of work pressures, targets & deadlines, competition, etc; but also because we have fed our egos bit too much. We refuse to accept defeat, we refuse to agree upon a point that our competitor made – even though deep within our minds we may know it is right, we can’t admit fear as it may make us look weaker and we absolutely cannot ask for help. My question is – Why?

To pull up an example for you, one of my dear friends (just as one lawyer may call the other when contesting in the court of law) has been facing some trouble at work and in life which made the person build too much stress in their mind. (Calling that one as ‘SS’ - just a name I gave for the purpose of this blog). May be SS could have talked their heart out and said openly what’s bothering them. May be SS could have asked for help if needed, may be admit that while they tried their best, their mindset or point of views could be totally wrong…No, that didn’t happen and as the case is, it won’t happen even in future. This causes SS’ life to be very stressful and seemingly unfair too. To hide this weakness, SS fakes a lot of happiness and is always on the go in life. And it is due to this very build-up of an unreal environment around their mind, SS may shortly begin and continue their downward spiral in life, making it more and more fake.

What would it really cost to admit that I am scared of Jerry? Ans: Nothing.

In fact I would have everyone around me warning me if I walk into a place where Jerry may be spotted. Would it be so harmful for me to admit my fears, accept my drawbacks and ask for help? Will I not get people who love me and care for me come along and sail me though it? Stress would actually reduce many folds in this world if all started being their original and open self and stopped faking their bravery, smartness and glory at a cost of their inner peace.

People say I’m non-diplomatic and that I don’t mince words. Yes that’s what I am. If I love something I don’t shy away from admitting it and if I fear or hate something, I’d still be expressive about it. Believe me; this Jerry is a smart guy. He doesn’t just come along to simply chill with you. He comes, teaches you a thing or two and runs away, leaving you to ponder over several aspects in life.

I really wish people overcome negative emotions such as faking enthusiasm while constantly cribbing about unreal stuff day-in and day-out, being jealous, feeling that life is unfair only to them, etc. Mankind created these tribes and civilizations not for such negative emotions but to come together and help one another cope with things and create belonging. It is only this feeling of brotherhood that will keep peace on this planet Earth – save those relationships before it’s not too late and make peace more within your soul than outside.

Don't get out of your comfort zone

Growing inside of your comfort zone
Strange?...

People say; “just outside of your comfort zone is where tremendous opportunities and growth lie” and I say “NO!” Growth actually lies deep within you and a lot of it can come from your comfort zone. Sounds nice for the lazy ones right? Well not really, because to actually make that effort to explore the growth opportunities that lie within one’s comfort zone requires much more scrutiny, learning and understanding of every aspect of life as well as individual abilities.

If I were to ask you what are your hobbies, I surely would get several stereotype replies like reading, writing, photography, cooking, etc. and several of them would have nothing to do with your day-to-day lives…for that matter, they may not even form any significant part of your weekend. Hmmm, but then what do you really do simply liking them, if in reality you did nothing about it?

My mom always told me (and she still does), that ‘if you like something, then learn it and do something about it. Simply saying that you like a particular thing makes no real sense.” So as a kid, she got me into a habit of sitting down and learning all that I would say, I really liked. In my growing years, I did not quite realise the difference it was making in my life until I started comparing myself to several others as a grown up. Well honestly, one fine day you suddenly do not start comparing yourself with others. It’s kind of a process that gradually happens in your life. So in one such instance, when interacting with one of the random acquaintances, I got into a dialogue on ‘likes and dislikes’ and ‘hobbies’. The gentleman said he likes to grow flowering plants. So I was excited and said, “me too” and gave him a list of plants that I liked and the seasonal plants that I like growing and the reason behind their flowering seasons and so on. I also showed him pictures of my terrace garden and as expected he was happy and excited too. A while later he said he loves good food and we ended up talking about recipes and different taste patterns found across countries and so on. During which I told him about my food blog and interests in food photography and experimental recipes. He was mighty impressed with me and said ‘wow’. Later in the conversation we spoke about a lot of stuff right from my job as an equity analyst to my being a professional photographer to being a blogger, a trekker, a writer, a speaker, a car enthusiast, and so on. And the gentleman was speechless…not that I intended that to happen, nor that I’m trying to boost about it. What he asked me was, “how was it that I knew so many things and could do them well? What provoked me into doing so much?” My answer was that my mom told me to learn all that I liked and I ended up liking so many things in this beautiful world that my learning was and has never been enough. The process is still on.

What grew with all this was nothing but a vast gamut of opportunities. When I earned a bit less as an analyst, I also earned from photography. As I grew in life as well as knowledge to some extent, I wrote media articles, cover stories for magazines, blogs, and so on. With my developing interest and some efficient management of time, I could do a lot more and even earned from it…earned not just money but a lot of contacts, relationships, further knowledge and so on. But did I really go out of my way to do any of these? Did I ever stop being comfortable about it? The answer was ‘NO!’

I always continued doing exactly what I liked. I simply, pursued my hobbies a little better than several others and gained out of it. So, there I was doing so much more and meeting so many fantastic people like you, without actually having to compromise my comfort zone.

What I want to tell you is, that do not try to ruin your comfort for achieving anything. It only adds up to stress that ultimately keeps you away from enjoying your achievements to the fullest. Instead, do more about what you like already and flourish in it. Grow more in what makes you happy because that immense happiness inside of you will be damn contagious and will spread farther than what you may have been able to imagine. You will not just achieve a lot in life but also feel really relaxed, happy and cheerful about it and not be burdened by any kind of discomfort.

Growth is not about stepping out of your comfort zone. It’s about making the best out of your own interests and abilities while being absolutely comfortable and happy about it.